How to Stay Married for 37 Years ~ The Old-Fashioned Way - Tips for Newly Weds and Oldie Weds

THE SPARK !
All rightttyyy then, you have found Mr. or Ms Right- Love of your Life.  You think about them every waking moment, pick up their call on the first ring, can't wait until your next physical encounter (I mean lunch, dinner or a movie); gotta be everywhere they are; your heart just flip flops at the sound of their name.  You are sprung and you feel that you cannot live without this person.  OK, so you decide to seal this in the bonds of Holy Matrimony...... Believe me I do understand,  been there, done that!

REALITY
OK, the wedding is over, all of the bridesmaids have gone back to Chicago, or Atlanta or Birmingham or where ever they came from. All the relatives, friends and co-workers have picked up their casserole dishes from the Bridal Shower and you are back from the Honeymoon ~~~ Now What??  You  will soon learn that a big beautiful, expensive wedding does not equal a great marriage.

For the sake of this discussion, I will assume that you had ample time to get to know each other before the big day.  However, let me say this - living with someone (as in marriage) is a lot different from having lunch or dinner with someone (as in dating). 

During dating you generally have plenty of time to look your best and dress your best and always present well.  But as some of you may already know, in marriage it does not always work that way.  There are a lot of reasons why you may not be able to look your best (you may be ill, you may be stressed from a day at work, you may have been dealing with the kids all day) or what about just waking up in the morning ~ listen, believe me, people only look good in the morning on TV and in the movies.

Getting to Know Each Other Really
OK, let's see, some things that are starting to 'get on your nerves'  (spending too much time watching TV ( especially sports, or playing video games, or bringing work home or  spending too much money shopping, leaving stuff laying around, changing the channel on the car radio while you are driving, etc.- oh, the list goes on....)

Now, watch this, I can guarantee you that most of the things that get on 'your nerves' now, are things that attracted you in the first place.  Just think about it; whatever your 'nerve' issue is, I invite you to rewind the tape and see how you were condoning  that behavior in the beginning of your relationship.  Do you remember how you used to sit and watch TV together or how you used to 'not' complain if his 'game is on', or favorite show was on.  Remember when you bought him that video game for Christmas or his Birthday?  Remember how you used to pick up behind him and just chalked it up to "guys are messy like that"?  See what I mean?

But You Fell In Love ~ Really
So, here's the thing - you really fell in love with this person and you can look beyond behaviors and all of the things that really don't matter anyway, because beyond these things is the person you love.  And really, your greatest desire is to please that person, make them happy and make them understand that they are needed and appreciated.

You Will Have Ups and Downs
Ups and Downs are a part of life.  As you grow together, many things will influence your relationship such as children, jobs/careers, finances, relationships with family, friends and co-workers, JUST STUFF!!  But through it all when you discover that you love this person no matter what, then you will understand what true love is all about.  And if you have difficulties in your relationship you will always have a point of reference and that point of reference is the love that you truly have for this person. 

Falling in Love All Over Again~Tips for Maintaining and/or Regaining that Spark!! 
All of the following examples mentioned here are things that my husband and I implemented and maintained throughout our 37 years of marriage.  I realize that everything may not be for your but that's OK; get ideas from the ones you can and then implement and maintain your own.....

• Candlelight Dinner at Home~ This is truly my #1 favorite.  Your dinner can be whatever you want; but we  loved grilled steak with onions, mushrooms and green peppers, chilled Chardonnay, old school music in the background and candles burning all around.
• Note:  If you have young children at home your first step will be to arrange babysitting for them.  If you have teenagers in this house, you may want to choose a night that they are staying over with friends or out to a movie (maybe you can create a 'night-out' for them).
• Leave a Love Note ~ I did this all the time.  If you haven't thought of this before or if you have not done it in a long time~ this can be one of the most romantic things that you can do for your spouse.  I would leave notes under the pillow, stick a note inside of his lunch bag, stick a note right on top of his sock or underwear drawer; stick a note inside of a book that he was reading, stick a note in his favorite section of the Sunday paper (that would be the Sports section).  I will tell you this is a great thing to do ~ so let your imagination run wild and stick notes wherever works best for you and your relationship.  
• Dinner at  Your Favorite Restaurant~ Instead of a dinner at home, go out to your favorite restaurant.  This is really great if you do not get out too often. The two of you can enjoy good food and good conversation (and no dishes).  However, this also requires making arrangements for the kids.
• Go to a Hotel or Bed and Breakfast (In town or Out-of-town).  This was probably my #2 most favorite thing to do.  When we were in Europe there were so many little cottages everywhere where you could spend a night and have a continental breakfast in the morning; these were fantastic and so very cozy.  These days you can find wonderful cottages almost anywhere in this country (most states have them) where you can spend some great quality time together.  On the other end of the spectrum hotels like the Embassy Suites, the Marriott, Ramada and Holiday Inns and Suites with all their amenities make for a fantastic weekend together.
• Guys- Take Care of the Kids and/or Do a/or some Chores and Give your Spouse a Night Off~You should be sharing these responsibilities anyway. But if you feel that doing chores and taking care of the kids is not in your job description - Think Again...On the surface, this might not sound so romantic, but let me tell you it means more than you know. Sometimes just doing a few dishes could make all the difference in the world.  Romance and intimacy happen when the two of you are together, alone.  If you show your spouse that you understand that she is stressed out and exhausted from dealing with the house and the kids and that she really needs a break, this will indicate to her that how much you really care and how deeply you are connected to her.
• Making Out in the Moonlight ~ Do you and your spouse spend time just 'making-out' anymore?  I am not talking about a couple of long kisses that lead right into sex.  I am talking about just spending time in each other's arms just kissing and holding each other-often without words- and just remembering why you love each other and remembering the times that you have shared together. When we were in Germany we lived on the 3rd floor and we had a balcony and many nights we would spend the whole night together in our lounge chair just talking and looking at the stars and the moon and really expressing our love for each other.
• Guys~The Age-Old Classic:  Flowers and Chocolates ~ Well, you say "who does that anymore"?  Bringing flowers and chocolates is such a classic (old-fashioned) move that you don't see much of these days, except for maybe Valentine's Day or Mother's Day.  However, it still works outside of these special  days.  Flowers and/or  Chocolates show that you are thinking about your spouse and that in itself is romantic, and can open up an opportunity for a new kind of intimacy in your relationship.
  

Commitment is the Key. It will take careful thought and planning and a commitment from both of you to create a marriage that will sustain the test of time. You must work together everyday  to build and maintain a strong, healthy, enduring  relationship. I know, we did it for 37 years...


To Your Continued Success and Well Being!
Miss Julia 



JuliaGrayOnLine.com

Why the Earthquake in Haiti Affects You ~ Update on "What's Going on in the Rest of the World"...

There seems to be the notion that if you don't have a lot of money, or if you don't have investments in the stock market, or if you don't own a home or a car and you just feel like ~ a plain old regular everyday person - this stuff just does not apply to you and it does not affect you ~ WRONG!!

Regardless of where you are on the economic level you are still a consumer and everything going on in this country and the rest of the world affects you either directly or indirectly.

Consider these very simple examples ~ Did you buy a jug of milk or orange juice lately, or sodas in plastic bottles? Do you realize that plastic is a petroleum based product? Do you realize that when the price of a barrel of oil goes up it affects the price of your milk, your orange juice your soda, because these plastic containers are made from by-products of petroleum. So when you complain that this or that has gone up by 20,30 or 40 cents, please understand it is not your local grocery store that raised the prices just because they wanted to ~~ They Had To!!

Haiti Affects You
If you think the earthquake in Haiti does not effect you- think again. I would be assured in saying that many of us have relatives, friends, co-workers, etc.  that are involved in many of these rescue and life-saving missions. Many of us have friends and family in the military that have been deployed to this mission- are we not concerned about their safety?  Even if you don't have family or friends involved,  we are still connected to each other just  by way of the Human Spirit.  If you have sent up a Prayer or made a donation or just had empathy or compassion for these people, then the earthquake has affected you. Remember the old saying 'If not for the Grace of God~ there go I'.

What's going on on Wall Street is apparent, given the number of bank failures, job losses and home foreclosures.  The impact of terrorism affects you; have you traveled by air lately or if you don't travel by air, have you tried to enter a government building?

We have had a significant number of catastrophic, life changing situations right here in this country; (911, Hurricane Katrina, the stock market crash, the housing meltdown, job losses.  If you did not loose your home or your job~ you know people that did so it affects you whether you like it or not.


If you think what is going on in Iran and the treatment of their citizens and their women does not affect you? ~~ Think Again! Just seeing these images daily should remind you that not so long ago in this country there was marching in the streets and protests on various levels. In some areas of our country there were fire hoses and bulldogs to hold the people back. People in this country were beaten and hung; their homes and churches were bombed ; men were castrated. And This Does Not Affect You~~??

I am reminded about the story of a mouse (author unknown) who feared for his life and solicited help from the other farm animals who in turn did not feel that the mouse's plight would affect them at all.

When the mouse discovered that the farmer has put out a mousetrap he was terrified and immediately announced to the other animals "There is a mousetrap in the house"!  When the chicken heard this she just clucked and scratched and advised the mouse that this was of no concern to her and she did not want to be bothered.

The mouse then approached the pig who sympathized with him but advised there was nothing he could do but pray. When the mouse turned to the cow ~ the cow just snubbed him and said "I am sorry for you, but it is no skin off my nose." Feeling said and rejected the mouse returned to the house to face his fate with the mousetrap.

That very night there was a sound in the farmer's house that sounded like a mouse had been caught it the trap. The farmer's wife ran to see what was going on. As it turns out, as she rushed in the darkness to see what was in the trap she did not notice that actually there was a venomous snake whose tale had been caught in the trap.

The snake bit the farmer's wife and she was rushed to the hospital. She later returned home with a fever. Well as we all know the best way to treat a fever is with "chicken soup". So the farmer took to the farm yard for the main ingredient. The farmer's wife's conditioned worsened and friends and neighbors came to visit with her around the clock.  In order to feed all these people, the farmer had to butcher the "pig".

Unfortunately the farmer's wife did not get well and she died. So many people came to the funeral that the farmer had to slaughter the "cow" to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse now alone, looked on all the this with great sadness.

So the next time you hear that someone is having a problem or if you feel that what's going on in the world does not affect you (Remember the Mouse) and remember also----when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.


To Your Continued Success and Well Being !
Miss Julia 

MissJuliasGuidetoHealthyLiving.com

Why What’s Happening on Wall Street, in Iran, and the Rest of the World Should Concern You !

There seems to be the notion that if you don't have a lot of money, or if you don't have investments in the stock market, or if you don't own a home or a car and you just feel like ~ a plain old regular everyday person - this stuff just does not apply to you and it does not affect you ~ WRONG!!

Regardless of where you are on the economic level you are still a consumer and everything going on in this country and the rest of the world affects you either directly or indirectly.

Consider these very simple examples ~ Did you buy a jug of milk or orange juice lately, or sodas in plastic bottles? Do you realize that plastic is a petroleum based product? Do you realize that when the price of a barrel of oil goes up it affects the price of your milk, your orange juice your soda, because these plastic containers are made from by-products of petroleum. So when you complain that this or that has gone up by 20,30 or 40 cents, please understand it is not your local grocery store that raised the prices just because they wanted to ~~ They Had To!!

If you think the earthquake in Haiti does not effect you- think again. I would be assured in saying that many of us have relatives, friends, co-workers, etc.  that are involved in many of these rescue and life-saving missions. Many of us have friends and family in the military that have been deployed to this mission- are we not concerned about their safety?  Even if you don't have family or friends involved,  we are still connected to each other just  by way of the Human Spirit.  If you have sent up a Prayer or made a donation or just had empathy or compassion for these people, then the earthquake has affected you. Remember the old saying 'If not for the Grace of God~ there go I'.

What's going on on Wall Street is apparent, given the number of bank failures, job losses and home foreclosures.  The impact of terrorism affects you; have you traveled by air lately or if you don't travel by air, have you tried to enter a government building?

We have had a significant number of catastrophic, life changing situations right here in this country; (911, Hurricane Katrina, the stock market crash, the housing meltdown, job losses.  If you did not loose your home or your job~ you know people that did so it affects you whether you like it or not.


If you think what is going on in Iran and the treatment of their citizens and their women does not affect you? ~~ Think Again! Just seeing these images daily should remind you that not so long ago in this country there was marching in the streets and protests on various levels. In some areas of our country there were fire hoses and bulldogs to hold the people back. People in this country were beaten and hung; their homes and churches were bombed ; men were castrated. And This Does Not Affect You~~??

I am reminded about the story of a mouse (author unknown) who feared for his life and solicited help from the other farm animals who in turn did not feel that the mouse's plight would affect them at all.

When the mouse discovered that the farmer has put out a mousetrap he was terrified and immediately announced to the other animals "There is a mousetrap in the house"!  When the chicken heard this she just clucked and scratched and advised the mouse that this was of no concern to her and she did not want to be bothered.

The mouse then approached the pig who sympathized with him but advised there was nothing he could do but pray. When the mouse turned to the cow ~ the cow just snubbed him and said "I am sorry for you, but it is no skin off my nose." Feeling said and rejected the mouse returned to the house to face his fate with the mousetrap.

That very night there was a sound in the farmer's house that sounded like a mouse had been caught it the trap. The farmer's wife ran to see what was going on. As it turns out, as she rushed in the darkness to see what was in the trap she did not notice that actually there was a venomous snake whose tale had been caught in the trap.

The snake bit the farmer's wife and she was rushed to the hospital. She later returned home with a fever. Well as we all know the best way to treat a fever is with "chicken soup". So the farmer took to the farm yard for the main ingredient. The farmer's wife's conditioned worsened and friends and neighbors came to visit with her around the clock.  In order to feed all these people, the farmer had to butcher the "pig".

Unfortunately the farmer's wife did not get well and she died. So many people came to the funeral that the farmer had to slaughter the "cow" to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse now alone, looked on all the this with great sadness.

So the next time you hear that someone is having a problem or if you feel that what's going on in the world does not affect you (Remember the Mouse) and remember also----when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.


To Your Continued Success and Well Being !
Miss Julia 

MissJuliasGuidetoHealthyLiving.com

WHEN WE BECOMES ME (Surviving the Loss of a Spouse)

If you take the word ‘WE’ and turn it upside down it becomes ‘ME’. That’s pretty cool within itself; but ME can be a very lonely place.


Til’ Death Do Us Part seems like a long time away when the vows are first said. Even as the years progress, we never really want to face the fact that one day one of us will go. I believe that from the very beginning we are all in a constant state of denial.

My reference point is 37 years of a very wonderful and fulfilling relationship. Certainly there were ups and downs and in’s and out’s but we know that things occur ~~ LIFE HAPPENS! And now in reflection, the in’s and out’s and ups and downs seem very insignificant.

Initially there is this ‘Grief Process’ that we have all learned about; Shock and Denial, Pain and Guilt, Anger, Depression and the list goes on. Well, I will tell you that I discovered that these feelings and emotions do not come in any chronological order. In fact, personally, I was determined not to entertain any of them -ever-at all. Why?, because I believed that I had it all together and I knew where my husband was (resting in the arms of the Master). So that being said, why should I be angry or depressed or feel pain or guilt? NOT SO!

In my determination of not allowing myself to go through this ‘so called’ Grief Process, I soon learned that I had done myself a great disservice. To my shock and dismay all of these emotions hit me like a ton of bricks.

I heard somewhere or read somewhere that grief is like a “Roller Coaster Ride”. SO TRUE. It pulls you up, then drops you down. It twists and twirls, leaving your heart in your throat and your mind in a fog.

The life I experienced with my husband ‘Was Not A Bad Ride”, but his passing put me on that ‘Roller Coaster'. There were times when it seemed that I could finally move forward and upward. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere would come a sight or a sound or a song or a smell or an image that would remind me of my husband ~~~and the roller coaster plunges downward, and I found myself falling back to where I was.

Back to ~ It Just Can’t Be....
Back to ~ I want everything back the way it used to be....
Back to ~ I am really not ready to let go.....

All around me people are going on as if life is normal. And here I am thinking how can all of you (in your now normal, perfect world) act as if nothing happened? My husband is dead! Life can never be normal again! Well, I soon came to realize that this was not everybody elses' world, this was my world.

You may have had a similar experience. People around you are living as if everything is normal ~~ but everything is not normal for you. Your world has been turned upside down and the pain may seem unbearable. But please know, you really will get through it. When? You may ask~~~ believe me, “when” is not a factor. We all progress at different levels.

Unlike I did, allow yourself to grieve and I mean grieve however you want to (holler, scream, cry, whatever). Just allow yourself to remember and reflect however is best for you.

Don’t rush yourself and don’t allow people to rush you. Share the pain of your grief with safe people who will really listen to you and who really appreciate what you have lost. Each time you open up and share with someone (who really understands) you are little by little letting go of the hurt. And as you let go of the hurt~~ you allow healing to take place.

I have come to see that grief goes away a little at a time ~~ moment by moment, day by day ~for as long as it takes. You must focus on all that was good about your spouse and about your marriage, because I will tell you right now, most of the stuff that I got angry and upset about with my husband, I could probably put in a thimble.

Please understand, there will always be a warm spot in your heart that you can never, ever replace. But please know that your heart is big enough to love again. You will get to a point when you really will want to 'and' need to move on.

After almost six years since the loss of my husband, I finally came to a turning point in my grieving. A very dear friend re-entered my life after almost 40 years. I found myself laughing again and I felt a glimpse of joy; I was coming to realize that yes, I can make it and I am going to make it! I am ready to Rebuild ~~

Rebuilding our lives really begins at the moment that we loose our loved one. However, rebuilding doesn’t really begin in earnest until we have sifted through the majority of the feeling, memories and issues that resulted from our loss. When we have sifted and sorted through all of these feelings and emotions, only then do we have the strength and footing to begin putting our whole self back into life and looking to the future.

If you are 50+ (nor not) and looking to rebuild and/or start new relationships please visit our Social Networking Site site (What's Age Got to Do With?)
http://www. Thefiftypluscrowd.ning.com


To Your Continued Happiness!
Miss Julia, Your Personal Success Coach

Google Me ~ JuliaGrayOnLine.com

Why a Lead/Capture Follow-Up System is the Best Option in Building your Contact Base or better known as your LIST….

LEADS LET YOU DOWN??

Many Internet Marketers spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on Pre-packaged-Opt-In Leads. The average person starting out and many seasoned marketers find this to be an overwhelming expense; many times leading down a disappointing path of ‘cold calls’ that virtually ‘lead’ –nowhere.

It is understood that in order to build a successful online business you must develop a large and ever increasing Contact Base or List. The best way to do this is through a system that will allow you to recruit others into your business. In order to recruit effectively it will help to have a list of like minded people who are interested in what you have to offer. Ideally, this will not be some list that you buy off of the internet but rather one that has chosen to ‘opt-in’ to your Lead Capture Page and one that you have built an ongoing relationship through your ‘automatic follow-up system’.

People are more likely to act based on the recommendation of someone they –

- Know
- Like
- Trust

When you first contact a “normal” lead you do not meet ANY of these three criteria. Therefore, it’s always somewhat harder to ‘sell’ them on your opportunity. It is for this reason we must stop looking at people as “leads” and start looking at them as fellow entrepreneurs with whom we are looking to form a relationship.

Rather than constantly trying to get more leads and then close them on a particular opportunity- Instead, seek out like minded individuals, and form a relationship with them via e-mail and the Internet.

Consider these Lead Building Tips:

Utilize a Lead/Capture System

• Learn how to get the most out of Auto Responders and Traffic Exchangers etc.
• Find out where you can place ads that produce favorable responses.
• Develop relationship through Forums and online chat that are pertinent to your business or opportunity.


Now, when ANY opportunity arises you will have a group of like minded people who know, like and trust you and who are open to consider your opportunity. So remember, stop thinking of people as “leads” , instead, focus on forming a relationship with them regardless of whether they join your business or not.


Much Success !
Julia Gray

Google Me ~~Julia Gray Online